Such rules still exist because of one fact: common sense! And so, the standard guidelines remain. Other forms of etiquette are based simply on tradition, and these too are evolving, thank goodness!
Not all etiquette guidelines will work with your situation(s), and it is often more important to not offend people along way.
Most importantly, the Invitation should reflect you and your event. That being said… It’s ok to break the rules!
Deep breaths, LBI will work with you every step of the way!
Don’t worry, as complicated as this process may seem, we will guide you in the right direction. When it’s time, we will send you a formatted spreadsheet to fill out with your invitee information, and we’ll provide traditional and not-so-traditional examples of ALL situations (married couples, a divorced man, a widowed woman, a priest, a woman doctor, a judge, a single man, a couple living together but not married, a married couple with children, a married couple where the wife kept her maiden name, a child over the age of 18 living at home, a single woman allowed to bring a guest, etc. etc. etc.).
Etiquette says: Use the complete, formal name and address on the outside envelope. Do not use abbreviations; spell out Street, Avenue, Apartment, etc.
We say: When addressing the envelopes we agree, abbreviations should be written out! But don’t worry, when you make your spreadsheet for us you don’t have to bother with spelling everything out—we can do it for you! On your spreadsheet go ahead and use St., Ave., Apt…etc. Also, if you want to personalize your invitations (at least for the guests that are close relation to you, go with the informal inside label. You can even get more personal here by using nicknames: “Mom and Dad”, “Grandma”, Uncle Rick and Aunt Sarah”, “Bridesmaid”, etc.
Married Couple:
Mr. and Mrs. Michael Link (Outside)
Mr. and Mrs. Link (Inside- formal)
OR
Michael and Anne (Inside - informal)
Unmarried Couple living together: (the person in closest relation to the sender should appear first!)
Miss (or Ms.) Ashley Jones and Mr. Timothy Abbot (Outside)
Ms. Jones and Mr. Abbot (Inside- formal) OR
Ashley and Timothy (or Tim) (Inside - informal)
Single male (bringing a guest):
Mr. Stephen Smith
(Outside)
Mr. Smith and Guest (Inside - formal) OR
Stephen and Guest (Inside - informal)
Married couple with children under the age of 18:
(children over the age of 18, even if living at home should receive their own invitation)
Mr. and Mrs. Taylor
(Outside)
Mr. and Mrs. Taylor
Sean, Amanda, and Adam
(In order from oldest to youngest) (Inside - formal)OR
The Taylor Family (Inside- informal)
Contact LBI for more examples, we’ve got your back!
What: Receptions and ceremonies to which children are not invited
Etiquette says: If children are not listed on the inside envelope, your guests will know not to bring them.
We say: There will be guests who don’t pick up on this rule. To play it safe, you can simply denote “adult reception” on your reception or reply card.
What: Gives the married couples’ address, if they will have a new post wedding address.
The look: If inserting the card into your invitation, it should compliment the other pieces of the invitation. If you are sending the at-home card separately, the card can have a theme of its own.
When to send: At- home cards can be inserted into the invitation or sent separately, following the invitation or the wedding itself.
What: Your event may be very formal or, on the other hand, it may be quite casual. In that case, should you suggest specific attire on your invitation?
Etiquette says: do not to list attire on your invitation. Traditionally, if the event took place after 6 p.m., the attire was assumed to be formal.
We say: While the invitation itself might reflect the formality of the event, today’s guest likes to know specifically what to wear. Rules have changed, and invitations are now hinting at the appropriate attire. Simple phrases, such as “black tie appropriate”, “black tie optional”, “informal”, etc., can be used. Another option is to include attire suggestions on your wedding website.
Note: If your even requires special attire accommodations, e.g. flat soles (for an outdoor event), sandals (for the beach), culturally influenced attire, etc. should be denoted on or within the invitation.
What: He/She is here!!!! --Start spreading the news! The announcement may include: the baby’s name, birth measurements, birth date/time, and parents’ names.
The look: There are many directions you can go with baby announcements! Your announcements can reflect the sex of the baby, a certain theme, the colors of the nursery, etc.
When to send: Soon after they have arrived – never before!
What: The invitation should include: The Mother’s name (of course!)—or both parents’ names (if the shower is being held for the mom and dad), the host’s name (not required), date, time, rsvp information (either a response card or contact information), and a directions insert card – if the location is unfamiliar to the guests.
The invitation can, although some still cringe at this idea, include the store names of where the couple is registered. This information can either be included on the invitation itself or on a separate insert card.
If the sex of the baby is known, and has been announced, the invitation should allude to that, that way guests can choose gifts accordingly. Also, if the name of the baby has been announced you may include that too. (Always confirm that the parents are ok with including this information. You wouldn’t want to ruin any surprises!)
The look: The baby shower invitation should reflect the personality of the mother and/or the father and also the theme of the event—BABY! If the shower is themed, the invitation should represent that.
When to send: baby shower invitations should be sent 4 weeks prior to the event day. This allows the guests time to clear their schedules, but hopefully doesn’t allow enough time to forget about it.
4 weeks will also allow your guests plenty time to shop for the perfect gift!
What: The invitation should include: The bride’s name (of course!)—or the bride’s name and groom’s name if the shower is being held for the couple, the host(s)’ name (not required), date, time, rsvp information (either a response card or contact information), and a directions insert card, if the location is unfamiliar to the guests.
The invitation can, although some still cringe at this idea, include the store names of where the couple is registered. This information can either be included on the invitation itself or on a separate insert card.
If it is a lingerie shower, the bride’s measurements should be included!
The look: The bridal shower should reflect the personality of the bride and reflect the theme of the event. If the shower is themed, the invitation should reflect the theme.
When to send: bridal shower invitations should be sent 4 weeks prior to the event day. This allows the guests time to clear their schedules but hopefully doesn’t allow enough time to forget about it.
4 weeks will also allow your guests plenty time to shop for the perfect gift!
What: Ceremony programs are handed out at the ceremony or left in the entrance to the ceremony. The program makes your guests feel included in the ceremony by “informing them” of: the sequence of events during the ceremony, who the attendants are, who is officiating, the music (who is playing and what piece – lyrics may be attached), literature (who is reading and what passage – text may be provided).
If your ceremony is religious or cultural your program might want to include an explanation of rituals preformed in the ceremony.
Ceremony programs may also include: request for guest participation during a certain part of the ceremony, thank yous, memorials, and directions to the reception.
The look: Ceremony programs should compliment your other wedding paper products
What: You’re engaged!!!! Share the excitement and announce it!
The look: Announcements should reflect the personality of the couple.
When to send: As soon as possible after the engagement, “start spreading the news.”
To Whom: Close family and friends
Etiquette says: Don’t send engagement announcements to people who you won’t be inviting to the wedding.
We say: Engagement announcements should be sent to close family and friends however, if you extending the list this may force you to draft a guest list pretty early in the planning process – which might not be a bad idea, since you will, after all, need a general idea of numbers in all planning stages.
What: Pew cards are inserted into the invitation of family members or special guests who you would like to invite into the reserved seating section at your ceremony. The card should read “within-the-ribbon” or should give the assigned pew #. The card should also specify which side the reservation is being held, the groom’s side or bride’s side.
Pew cards, or within-the-ribbon cards, can be sent after the invitation, if you prefer. Some like to wait until they have received rsvp cards, so they know how many pews will be reserved and how they want to arrange the seating.
The guests should bring their pew card to the ceremony and hand it to the escort, that way the escort can seat them accordingly. It might be a good idea to mention this on the card.
The look: Pew cards should compliment your other wedding paper products
What: Rain cards can be inserted into the invitations of an outdoor ceremony. The rain card gives an alternative ceremony location incase of rain.
The look: If inserting the card into your invitation it should compliment the other pieces of the invitation.
What: Reception cards are a formal invitation to the wedding reception and are inserted into the wedding invitation. Reception cards originated because the reception was considered to be a separate event from the wedding.
Reception cards should always be used if you are having the reception at a different location than your ceremony. If your reception and ceremony are taking place at the same location, it is not necessary to include a reception card – although including the reception card is more traditional and creates a nice, complete invitation.
If you choose not to include a reception card, you should include one of the following at the bottom of your invitation:
“and afterwards at the reception”
“and afterward at the reception”
“Reception to follow”
“Reception immediately following”
The look: The rehearsal dinner invitation should compliment, but not upstage, the wedding invitation. It can also reflect the theme or style of the dinner itself.
When to send: Between the time when the wedding invitations are sent up to 2 weeks before the wedding. If the person being invited is an out-of-town guest, they will need to plan to arrive a day earlier.
To Whom: Traditionally the rehearsal dinner was held only for those attending the ceremony rehearsal, but today rehearsal dinners are being extended to family, close friends, and out-of-town guests.
What: Your reply card should always be stamped with the appropriate postage and self-addressed. You need your guests to reply, and they are doing you an enormous favor by doing so. With that in mind, you should make the process as easy for them as possible.
It should include an rsvp deadline, a guest’s name insert line, a “yes” and “no” check-off spot, and meal choices (if applicable).
It’s also always good to leave your guests some space, in case they want to write a short message.
Remember, you will need to allow your guests time to reply before the deadline! As a rule of thumb, allow a month to reply and make plans.
The look: The rsvp card should compliment the other pieces of the invitation—of course!!
What: Light the spark, ignite excitement and allow your guests enough time to plan. Your save the dates will increase the likelihood that those who you want in attendance will be there. The time leading up to your event will be busy, full of deadlines and planning — but don’t forget; your guests have schedules too.
For your out-of-town guests, your wedding will serve as a vacation, and vacations take time to plan.
Your save the date can include: accommodation information, travel information, your wedding website, and any other important details they should know.
Your save the date SHOULD include the bride’s and groom’s name, the wedding date, and the wedding city and state. You should also include the words “formal invitation to follow” on your save-the-date. This will not only create anticipation, but will also inform your guests to stay tuned.
The look: Your save the dates should follow your wedding theme and/or compliment your invitation. It is the guest’s first glimpse of your wedding – so set the stage!
When to send: Save the dates should be mailed anywhere from 4 to 12 months ahead of the event.
To Whom: Save the dates are sent to guests who you are 100% inviting and, most importantly, all out- of- town- guests. That being said, if you send them to only out-of-town guests, be advised that they may talk to in-town-guests, who might then think they have not been invited.
What: Inserted into the invitation, if transportation is being provided. The card should include information regarding what has been arranged – e.g. shuttle bus, public transportation, etc. If public transportation has been arranged, you can include necessary tickets or tokens.
The look: If inserting the card into your invitation it should compliment the other pieces of the invitation.
The look: Your invitation should reflect you and your event!
When to send: Etiquette says: 6 weeks prior to your event.
We say: it’s your wedding and you need to consider your timeline and deadlines.
We do suggest not sending them too early. This leads to your guests setting the invite aside and never getting back to it. We also suggest not sending them too late, as your guests will need time to plan, and so will you.
With that said, a good guideline to follow is sending them somewhere between 6 and 10 weeks before your wedding.
Remember, you will need to allow your guests time to reply before the deadline! As a rule of thumb, allow a month to reply and make plans.
Available wording options are abounding!
Wedding: To narrow down wedding invitation wording options I will need to know the following:
-Who is hosting the wedding?
-What names do you want mentioned on the invitation (e.g. just the bride’s parents, the bride and groom’s parents, someone else who is hosting the wedding, just the bride and groom, etc.)?
-Of the parents being mentioned, are they married? Divorced? Divorced and re-married? Widowed? Etc…
-Any specific requests, e.g. religious ceremony, cultural ceremony, or themed?
All other announcements and invitations: Contact LBI, we’ll steer you in the right direction!